Letters Across Time: A Father's Reflection
Celebrating New Beginnings with a Note to the Past on the Arrival of Our Third Child
Editor’s Note:
In celebration of welcoming our third child this weekend, I’ve penned a letter to my 15-year-old self. This letter isn’t just a nostalgic trip down memory lane; it’s a series of reflections intended to bridge the gap between generations in our family. As you read these words, whether you are part of our family or a friend, I invite you to consider the advice and experiences shared as a lens through which we view our collective past and individual futures. This letter is meant to be read when my children reach the age of 15, offering them insights and guidance from their parent’s life journey. It's an attempt to speak across time, from the perspective of lessons learned and wisdom gained.
Dear 15-year-old me,
As I sit down to write this letter, I find myself at a poignant crossroads in life. The joy of welcoming a third child this weekend has inspired me to reflect on the journey that has brought me here and the lessons I've gleaned along the way. This letter isn't just a mirror to my past but a bridge to the future—a future where you, my children, might find yourselves reading these words at a similar transformative phase in your own lives.
I write to you not just as a parent from the future but as a friend who has navigated the winding paths of growing up, making decisions, and discovering what truly matters. In sharing these reflections, I hope to offer you not just advice but a window into the world as I've experienced it, allowing you to see beyond the horizon of your current views.
This isn't about correcting every misstep or avoiding every fall. Rather, it's about embracing life’s vast experiences and extracting wisdom from its challenges. From the thrilling days of high school to the profound shifts of adulthood, each phase of life has been a chapter filled with its own stories, and here are some I wish to share with you.
High School Years
Let's start at a place where you stand on the cusp of independence yet are soaked in youth—high school. You might feel the urge to rush into adulthood, to take on jobs for extra cash, but I urge you to reconsider. Money, at this stage, isn't as crucial as the experiences you miss while being clocked in at work. Play sports, join clubs, volunteer—soak in all the fun and knowledge these years have to offer. Remember, you'll never be a teenager again, so embrace every moment of it. And a word to the wise—don't dump your date the day before prom. It might seem like a good idea at the time, but some memories are worth keeping gentle, and every party is better enjoyed with good company.
Additionally, don't fall into the trap of seeking perfection in everything. It's okay not to challenge yourself with AP Calculus if it doesn't interest you—after all, not everyone ends up using it. Explore relationships, have a girlfriend or boyfriend; your parents are wise and will guide you when necessary, but take chances when your heart tells you to.
College and Early Adulthood
As you wave goodbye to your high school years and step into the broader world of college or whatever path you choose next, keep this in mind: the environment you choose will shape you. Opt for a public university over a private one if you can. You'll find yourself more at home with peers who aren't vacationing in Aspen but are perhaps working part-time like you used to. Whatever educational or career path you choose—be it STEM, business, law, or a skilled trade—pursue it with passion. Engage deeply and don't shy away from internships; they are the bridges to practical knowledge and will help you forge valuable connections.
It's okay to let loose a bit—drink, experiment, but always know when to reach out for help, be it from me, your mom, or an uncle, especially in emergencies or when life feels overwhelming. Don't worry about saving every penny before you're 25; use your youth to travel, to take risks—even if that means running into guerrillas in Colombia, savoring fresh bread in France, or singing karaoke in Japan. And yes, talk to that cute guy or gal in Biology 102. Just remember: respect others and yourself, avoid permanent decisions like tattoos that you might regret later, and always, always use sunscreen.
Midlife Insights
Fast forward a few years, and you'll find yourself navigating the complexities of midlife. Here, let me offer you some distilled wisdom: your employer isn't your friend but isn't your enemy either. It's a collection of people, just like you—don't be too confrontational, but remain skeptical and express genuine concerns. Having a work "spouse" can make daily challenges more bearable, sharing the load and bringing a bit of lightness to your routine.
If you find yourself always talking about work with your significant other, it might be time to reassess. Consider if you're investing too much of yourself in your job at the expense of other aspects of life. Remember, it's never too late to pull the plug on something, whether it's an engagement or a work project. Recognize the sunk costs, but don't let them anchor you to a stagnant place. Don’t be bitter of those that have more, or pity too much on those with less. Always assume a helping hand is in good faith.
Current Perspectives and Family Life
Now, as I navigate the ongoing journey of parenthood and personal growth, I have a few more insights to share. If you feel the pull to start a family, consider doing so earlier rather than later. Having children is wonderfully enriching, yet it demands energy—something you have in greater supply in your younger years. Understand that spending on things that make your life easier, like help around the house or occasional takeout, is perfectly okay. These are not extravagances but necessities that preserve your sanity and happiness.
Reflect on the nature of the work you choose. Whether it's corporate life, entrepreneurial ventures, labor union involvement, or more altruistic pursuits, make sure it's a match for your personality and aspirations. Life is long, and it's perfectly fine to shift paths if what you're doing no longer fulfills you. Focus not on titles and the next promotion, instead perform the best you can at your level and good things will happen if your company or firm is competent enough to see it.
Don't feel pressured to buy a home if it doesn't suit your lifestyle. Renting can offer the flexibility you need, especially in your early years. Just ensure that by the time your children reach middle school, they have a stable and supportive environment, consistent friendships, and a community they can call home.
As we reach the end of this letter, I hope these reflections from various chapters of my life resonate with you when you find yourself at similar crossroads. Remember, this journey isn't about avoiding mistakes—it's about embracing the world around you with an open heart and a curious mind. Each step, each decision, each triumph, and each setback has the potential to unfold profound insights about life and your place within it.
Take these stories, these lessons not as mandates but as lanterns in the fog—guiding but not dictating your path. You're equipped with a wonderful gift: the ability to make choices. Some will be easy, and some will require the kind of courage and wisdom that come from recognizing your own values and the diverse experiences life offers.
As you grow, as you learn, and as you venture forth, always know that you are loved immensely. I am excited for you, for every discovery that awaits you, for every dream you choose to chase, and for every challenge you will overcome. Remember, the best part of your story is that it is yours to write.
With all the hopes and wisdom I can muster,
Dad